He was one of those human anomalies capable of providing conversational fodder long after normal topics have been extinguished. When he spoke, he either entertained, or frightened people.“It takes a licking and still keeps ticking! Boy what a chip off the old block. I think I’ve got it! Who knew? Do you have a cough due to cold? Does your get up and go, get up and leave? NBC? Must see TV!Born in the south, he lived forever with an anachronistic name that, had he been even remotely normal, would still have doomed him to a life of torment from all others and not just children. His doting mother read a book, while she was pregnant, about a dashing, Confederate General named Pierre Gustave Toutant-Beauregard and his gallantry in both the Mexican American and Civil Wars.Unwilling to even try spelling Pierre, Gustave, or Toutant, she settled on the surname, Beauregard, for her only son. Anxious that he have a thoroughly uncommon name and that he be brought up in a refined and protected. So she went and found another shirt that wasn’t so thin, and she went to the dance without a bra on and left me with a boner I had to jerk on to make go away.And when she came home she was so pleased with how miserable Jasper had looked when he saw her and figured out she was braless, that she kissed me right on the cheek and said, “Thank you Billy Bob.”Imagine that - her thanking me for staring at her boobs!Anyhow, that was kind of how we got along. It being summer and all, we didn’t go to school of course. But we still hung out some. I mean in our town we didn’t have more than three or four hundred folks living there, so the only thing to do was hang out, usually at the combination video store, cafe and ice cream parlor. They had some of those big video game machines there and we took the competitions we had pretty seriously.In fact, that’s what set Randy Horton off. We were playing against each other on this game and I just thrashed him. He’d spent at least fifty dollars in that.
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